why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
