I'm laying in your front yard are you home
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
