Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
