Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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