Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
