my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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