fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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