I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Maybe he injected his testicle?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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