Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
