My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
