Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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