it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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