i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
