I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
