I just threw up on my dentist
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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