WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
