My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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