How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Randomize
