I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
