Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
