The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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