Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Found your dick twin last night
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
