So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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