i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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