Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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