My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
