Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
