I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Randomize
