I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
