This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
