I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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