It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
