She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
