I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
