Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
