My first STD was from a foam party
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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