Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
