im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
