my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
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