I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
