ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
