we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
