Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
