Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
