I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
