One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
