i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
She is in my trunk
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
