I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
okay pat passed out under dana's car
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
