Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
