i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
