He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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