Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
