You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
