are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
