So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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